After Mattie
by ChelzToddBrooke
Summary: "He'd expected the exhaustion borne from fifty hours of flight time would tug him towards an early night, but the emotional fallout of his encounter with Mattie left him restless. He wanted company." - Just a Harm/Mac moment from the night Mattie left.


A/N: I found this in my files, and I thought I would share it. It's a nice little Harm and Mac moment. Enjoy!

* * *

Harm let himself into his loft, trying to ignore the tightness in his chest. He'd known all along his role as Mattie's guardian was only temporary, but it seemed to come to an end so suddenly. His F-18 quals falling on her last few days in his care hadn't helped matters. He felt the loss keenly despite the fact that he had plans to see her over the weekend. He dropped his bag by the door and shook out his limbs, trying to rid himself of his heavy mood. By rote, he reached for his phone. After his last tomcat crash, Mac had been explicit in her want to hear he successfully returned from his quals. It was something that, even with the fluctuating state of their relationship over the past couple years, he tried to honor.

"Hey Mac," he greeted as the call connected.

"Harm, you're back," she replied. The barest hint of relief in her tone was not lost on Harm.

"Safe and sound," he added with a tired laugh. A silence settled over the line, but it was less easy than either of them would have liked.

"Harm, are you ok?" Mac asked tentatively.

Harm thought for a moment. He wasn't sure how to answer her. Technically, he was ok or he would be soon enough, yet the simple answer wouldn't leave his lips.

"Have you eaten?" his abrupt question surprised even him. He'd expected the exhaustion borne from fifty hours of flight time would tug him towards an early night, but the emotional fallout of his encounter with Mattie left him restless. He wanted company.

"Um, no, not yet," she stammered, thrown off by the sudden change of topic.

"I am grabbing take out, want to share?" he offered.

"You order and I'll pick it up on my way," Mac countered. Not only was the invitation itself unusual, but something in Harm's voice pressed her to accept.

"Sounds fair," Harm agreed. They took a few more minutes to decide on a restaurant and figure out their order before ending the call.

* * *

As he waited for Mac to arrive with food, Harm took the opportunity to unpack and repack his sea bag, sort his uniforms for the dry cleaner's, and run through a quick shower. He was starting to feel at home again, as long as he ignored the fact that the apartment down the hall now had an empty bedroom. Before he could dwell on that thought for too long, a knock sounded on the door.

"Hey," Mac smiled softly as the door swung open. She read the same thing in his expression as she had heard in his voice over the phone. Nothing discernable, but definitely off.

"Hey yourself," Harm returned, taking the bag of food from her arms.

"Did your quals go ok?" she asked, starting at the top of her list of things that could potentially be bothering him. She slid onto one of the stools by the counter.

"Yeah, the Hornet is no Tomcat," he grinned, offering her some silverware for the food in front of her. She rolled her eyes. Harm would always be a fighter pilot at heart, no matter how me he excelled at being a lawyer.

Over dinner, they made meaningless small talk. Mac caught Harm up on the latest case involving Bud's kid brother Michael.

"That family should have JAG on retainer," Harm chuckled.

"He was merely a witness this time. No legal ramifications, but he was quite passionate," Mac informed.

"Of that I have no doubt," his eyebrows rose to his hairline. The Roberts family could certainly keep them on their toes from time to time. He stood from his stool and began to gather the dishes.

"Did you lose your wings again?" Mac asked, noting the naval aviator insignia still wrapped in plastic sitting on the counter as he cleared everything else. Harm froze for a moment, his mind flicking to the empty bedroom at the end of the hall. Anything the small talk had done for his mood was for naught. The tightness in his chest returned.

"No…er, well. I gave my last pair to Mattie...as um, a going away present." he admitted, fingering the gold wings.

"Oh." The word was barely audible on Mac's lips. "She's back with her dad?"

"For good." He nodded. "They went to court while I was gone."

"I assume you signed a waiver," Mac couldn't ignore her lawyer instincts.

"Yeah, I wasn't going to keep her from him. It was her idea to go back. It was what she..."he stopped to clear his throat, suddenly thick with emotion. "...wanted."

"Harm..." Mac sighed. No wonder he seemed so off. He was heartbroken, truly heartbroken in a way she'd never seen before. An echo of this emotion flited across his face when she uttered the word _Never_ at the taxi stand in Paraguay, but it didn't even come close to this. Mattie had gotten closer to Harm than anyone else since Mac had known him, herself included. In many ways the girl was a mirror to Harm's past and forced him to face a lot of things he hadn't dealt with and she made him all the better for it.

"It's fine. I'm fine," he added quickly. "I'll see her this weekend."

"It's ok to miss her, Harm. You love her," Mac mentioned gently.

"I do, but it's probably better this way. I didn't really know what to do with her. I was never really around. I was in over my head. I'm not sure I could be what she needed. " he flicked the gold wings across the counter and moved into the living room, dropping heavily onto the couch. Mac studied him for a moment, this pain was so different from the last time. After Paraguay the hurt was filled with anger, this time is was defeat and self-doubt.

"You do realize her father wouldn't even be a part of her life if it weren't for you, right? Do you have any idea the impact you've had on that girl's life? The gifts you've actually given her. She's back in school, back in a stable home and building a healthy relationship with someone she thought she'd lost. Your parenting may have been unconventional, but the love is real. And that was all she needed from you. And still needs. Just because she's not here doesn't mean she no longer needs you in her corner," she mentioned. "And don't get me started on what she's done for you..."

"Done for me?" Harm didn't understand.

"After the CIA you were unrecognizable. It was unsettling, but not unexpected. At that point you'd been through nearly as much trauma as I had, just a different kind. But then Mattie happened and you not only found your way back, you started to grow and thrive. And I don't mean that in just the act of taking her in but in everything you did to make her face her problems, sometimes at the cost of facing your own. Not to mention she reminded you that that heart inside your chest is for more than pumping blood. It was remarkable to watch," she continued.

"Mac, you're acting like I'm father of the year. I was more like her benefactor. Hell, you thought I'd get bored with her. For a while I think even she thought that," he dismissed her praise. Color came to Mac's cheeks, she was embarrassed by the things she'd said in anger. She'd done that so many times with him in the past couple years. She moved from her stool and went to sit next to him.

"I shouldn't have ever said that. I never really thought you'd get bored. I was just envious. You and Mattie had something so clean and honest and we were at a point in our friendship that I couldn't even be a part of it. Aside from her initial hearing I barely got to know the girl and I regret that," she admitted. Harm reached out and grabbed her hand. It felt like old times, when they orbited each other rather than constantly pulling away.

"I miss this. I miss us," he mentioned softly. Mac smiled and intertwined their fingers.

"What can I do?" She offered.

"You're doing it," he replied, relaxing back into the sofa with a heavy sigh. She too allowed herself to relax, her head falling to his shoulder.


End file.
